Claire's Journal

[gatalis]

//Just as a heads-up warning, some of the things that will be contained in this will not be OOCly suited for the eyes of everyone. Claire has endured quite a few atrocities in her lifetime, and while I'll obviously keep this journal SFW, reader discretion is still advised.\\


//Claire would keep this Journal close at hand. She would likely never let it leave her being except if she were to show it to a very, very close friend. Should she die or some such, this Journal, along with the key to open it, would be in her inventory.\\



*The Journal would be made of a black leather, bound with a padlock, and would be quite heavy. The first six or seven pages would be blank, but this would simply be a ruse as the next page would look like the following...*

Claire's Journal

"May this journal serve as a documentation of my life as a servant to the Dark Lord Bane."

==========

"I was born on one of the Black Lord's Altars itself...
My birth mother had been a follower of Torm. The clergy had planned to torture and kill her, but at the request of Arch-Priest Fzoul, they had a more diabolical plan in mind for the priestess. Coupling after coupling, a defiling of my birth mother, but to her releif, none seemed to bring with them a child. She likely thought that there was hope for her escape yet, to return to that damnable god of hers... But the unholy corruption of the Zhents is a jewel like none other. Not even her holy energies and prayers could save her, and the light of Torm quickly flickered out. Three months after her detainment by the Zhents, I was conceived by an unknown higher Baneite priest, and nine months later, my servitude to the Dark Lord began."

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"I was bathed in red when I was born. Bathed in the blood of my mother as the priests sacrificed her on the altar not minutes after my birth was complete. They claim that she took one look at me, and pleaded for them to kill her... I never necesarily beleived them, but one does not question the word of one's superior. Needless to say, I was given to an Elven Priestess who was ordered to raise me. She called herself Daran Basan, and was a very strange person... While the Zhents are typically militaristic in their doctrines, Daran seemed to be a lot less strict about them."

==========

"I hated Daran for a long time because of that. It was my job to follow the religious doctrines to the letter. One slip and I was beaten much more severely than the similar students studying at the keep, most of them to become Banite assassins or warriors under his cause. Daran just seemed weak in comparison, she said that because I was born in the keep instead of coming to it to study, I owed a debt much deeper to pay tribute to Bane's will. I hated her for saying that, but she -was- my superior, who was I to question her word...? I suppose looking back at it I have a lot more affection for that elf than I did for anyone else. I could have ended up like any military grunt, but Daran Basan saw potential in me for the more scholarly pursuits of a Banite. I respected her as more than just my teacher. I'd even go so far as to say I saw her as a motherly figure even. She took care of me until the age of thirteen seasonal rotations. Said I was old enough to begin my training in the official clergy sect of the keep. After shipping me off to the other sect of the keep, Fzoul increased her to the position of a high priestess. She still visited me on occasion, but the visits became less and less frequent as I became older, as if she had begun to fear me..."

==========

"I never would have made a good piece of Zhentil's military, and I don't think the Arch-priest ever planned on letting me go into it. I have the willpower of a trained mind, stamina of a warrior, and the common sense to know how to act, but I lack the necesary strength and speed to properly serve on the front lines to take new territory for Bane. Daran claimed I was a devotee, or converter, that I wasn't ever meant by the Dark Lord to serve on his front lines. It took years to figure that out, of practicing and practicing, honing my combat skills to no avail, but I eventually decided on my lot in life as a priestess. I think I was meant to one day become a Banite recruiter, as a higher priestess, but that Lord Bane never intended me to lead as more than an advisor. Only time will tell why the Dark Lord placed me here on Siranda, but I'm beleiving to understand why. The chaos of this place is overwhelming, likely the work of the Cyricists. I don't need to worry about the moral objectations of others though, no one is truly good around here, they just don't want to see death and destruction any more than they have to, a useful trait. If I play my cards right, and hope for luck that a more idiotic Banite doesn't come around and start destroying the bonds and alliances I'm formulating, than there is hope for a Banite sect yet on this island. Chaos is fun for a time, but it will always be replaced with Law and Order after a long enough time. I beleive the survivors will one day come to support the Black Hand if given enough time, and enough luck to avoid the more bigoted followers."

==========

"When I was training as a priestess, I was met with many a challenge. The ranking clergy instructors trained me in the arts of tactical war, and how to torture another being. They taught me discipline the likes of which few in this society of survivors can understand as they flaunt their powers. The other evil deities give their followers the right to use their powers however they wish in an uncontrolled state. Its a curse to be in a religious sect without any control over how to worship its gods, or how to act. Bane though, my Dark Lord, requires us to be disciplined, regimented, militaristic to an extent, and strictly loyal. Only through our strict indoctrinations, and his tests of our faith, are we granted access to his reserve of power. The Zhents swear fealty to Bane and Fzoul, but they have no true access to Bane in anything more than a tip of the scales in battle, mostly brought on by their disciplined nature and morale. Us clergy though, we endure countless trials to attain that which we hold most dear. We pray to Bane each night at midnight, or he removes our access to his divine reserve. We endure countless trials, some to test our strength, most to test our will. Of the one hundred clergy-in-training when I was admitted to start my own training, only seven others besides myself remained, the others having either died, gone mad, or having quit to join the Zhent military might. The worst part of the training though, wasn't the indoctrination, or being disciplined, but the inquisition."

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"The inquisition of other churches is to root out heresey no matter where it be, but the Banite inquisition is much different. The men and women are chosen by the arch-priest himself, and train countless years. Their jobs? SImply to find and eliminate even the slightest hesitance to show our loyalty to Bane. On a whim they have the right to torture a training clergy member, and require little evidence to permanently silence even a regular priest or priestess. I was subject to the whims of the inquisition at least once every few months, and on one occasion they held me in contempt to have possibly committed heresey on four different accounts in a single month. By the end of my training, it wasn't the discipline instilled in me, or the beatings I endured in my pre-clergy training as a child that had hardened me, but the inquisition. My loyalty to the Dark Lord is absolute, with no questions. Mostly on my own accord, but deep inside, partially because of the fear instilled. The torture, threats, deaths and revivals I faced so often at the hands of the inquisition... Even now I fear to so much as write of the atrocities I was subject to."

==========

"I've taken a liking to Ludor, the port town is far enough away from the survivors to be a safe haven, and while the island sanctuary is sickening lively compared to the rest of this island, it has a calm peace to it. I've recieved visions while I sleep of a temple ripe with banners and the teachings of my lord, the smell of the sea breeze drifting through the air. I beleive Lord Bane wishes for me to set up a temple in the port town of Ludor... I discovered a temple on the island though, and it makes me cringe, sometimes even sick to get near it. Perhaps I can cast an unhallow spell on it with time, defile, corrupt that putrid holy temple even if only for a year. In the mean time I need to locate a dwarf with some silver coins on them, I need to make some silver powder for defiling spells."

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"More dreams of this temple... It consists of three floors. The main floor, open to the public, I see various denominations within that are in alliance, or have some fealty to Bane. An upper floor from which the Clergy and appointed champions remain when they require healing or rest, and a lower level from which I feel as if I'm drawn to the realms of Banehold itself. In this lower level I see a true altar of Bane, unlike the slightly unholy relic from above, and a statue of Fzoul behind it..."

==========

"That... Damned fighter brought something up that I had long since buried. I can keep face with the local civilians, but I still feel the treacherous burn my doctrines hold. Bane requires us to follow the orders of our higher ups to the letter, or be killed for insubordination... The High Priests, when I was still in my clergy training..." *The rest of the page would be covered in tears, leaving everything written on it in an illegible blur of ink...*

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"I'm starting to have thoughts about Keelin... This isn't natural though... She's an elf, not to mention she's a woman..."

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"I feel like I'm hearing things in the dephs of Ludor, as if something's calling out to me. Could this be what I'm truly seeking? Only time will tell, my dreams have yet to discern the true location I search for in this port town of Ludor..."


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"Met a kid named Mirar a wihle back, could make a good pupil..."

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"This kid reminds me of just how undisciplined the island is... They're willing enough to obey orders, and learn, so if I can drive some discipline into him, he could make a fine Banite yet."

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"I spoke with her again today... She apparently knew about me being a Banite."

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"Mirar's doing quite well in his reading and writing. It won't be long before I can teach him infernal. Still, teaching a child the language of devils... We'll have to be very secretive about it."

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"Met a man named Virgil today... Very eccentric to say the least, ended up making him bleed through the eye sockets and put him into a horrible state of pain after what he did to Keelin... At least for a few moments. I'm not sure what I think of the Elf any more, but how the world works aside, I thinkI like her..."

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"I need to start recording my past in here... I don't like to think about it, but I think it would help, make me a bit more secure... Give me the courage to accept the events that have unfurled in my life..."

==========

"Perhaps one of the more secretive stories of my life, is that involving Daran Basan. The first of my many tests that lead to me being inducted as a high priestess (even if said title was short-lived). I always looked up to that elven priestess. She was the closest thing I had to a parent for the first fifteen years of my life, even if she only occasionally visited during those last two years. I looked up to her, perhaps loved her as a daughter loves her mother, and even after completing my training as a priestess, I still spoke with her from time to time. I was nineteen at the time, I hadn't dealt with a member of the inquisition in over a year when one approached me. I was mortified by what he told me, couldn't beleive that it was true, but I knew deep down that it must have been...

The first task in my rise of power, was to execute Daran.

The inquisition had informed me of the details, that they had been investigating her for the last three months, and had arrested her when they found her worshipping a small shrine of Cyric she had hidden within her living quarters. I had never questioned the Banite inquisition, but being in charge of her execution, I was allowed to look at the evidence. Needless to say it was true in every sense...

I didn't want to accept it, but I know what had to be done. The higher clergy had ordered her execution, and since I had known the elf better than most, it was my job to dispose of her... They had her locked in a cell, deep within the dungeons, where the only light to reach the eyes of prisoners were the dim-green magical lanterns, and occasional candle of a priest walking down the prison's halls. I had only been to the prison level they had her on once before... *One or two spots of ink would be blotched, as if a tear or two had somehow seeped onto the page.*

The interrogation couldn't even be called that. I approached my former guardian with a mix of anger, hatred, sorrow as I spoke. All I asked, was for the truth, if she had truly worshipped Cyric. I hoped for a no, if she had said no, than there could be a trial yet, and even if she was to be found guilty, at least I'd know the truth deep inside. When she responded though, I reacted harshly, rashly, throwing accusations, words that I had never associated with her. At one point I became violently so, but since answering my question she hadn't said a word. It took me quite some time to calm down, I was a mess from my previous fit... Still, I had to ask her, had to know the truth. I remember asking why, and her response being that Bane was an old-fashioned god, that his goals were too material compared to Cyric. I didn't know how to respond... The woman whom had raised me, trained me to be a Banite, was claiming to be a heretic before my very eyes.

There was no trial. I wouldn't allow the usual deprivations, indecency, humiliation shown to other prisoners. There was no torture either- I wanted her death to be cold, ruthless, efficient. She was lain out, bounded on the Black Altar as it irradiated with an evil aura. Daran seemed unfazed by it as if she had expected that moment. The priests said their unholy blessings, cursing her spirit to be forced to Banehold after rights to the priestess would be claimed in hell. The priest next to me handed me a sacrificial knife. I asked her if she had any last words, and Daran looked at me, whispering words that stung worse than a red-hot branding iron...

'I love you like a daughter even now...'

I didn't bother with the sacrificial knfie that day, instead opting a rather elicit, mixed response from the clergy gathered. Instead I dropped the knife, standing on top of the altar and crushing Daran's windpipe with my boot. The clergy had a fit, but no one ever pushed charges against me.

Soon after I had a tattoo added. On the bottom-side of my foot. It was an elven skull, tendrils snaking out of the neck, around my foot and ankle. A reminder to myself of what I had done, of the good times I had experienced with my mentor, my guardian..."


==========

"How could I have been so stupid? The component in that stop heart spell is a Baccaran doseage, easily recreateable via a very simple spell and an iron dagger... It's not as fresh as the real thing, but its just as pure, and I'd only lose a dagger in the process. I'll have to keep such in mind in the future..."

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"Am I softening up? No, definetly not, I still hold the same anger, hatred, and reverence as I always have. Perhaps its not softening up so much as other feelings...

Still, what she said... Is it wrong for me to feel jealous, to feel upset by her response? Possibly, but that doesn't change things... At least not yet."

==========

"I think its time... All these years and I've been silent, silent in the act, silent in the aftermath, silent about the heresey that took place four months later.

When I was around the age of fifteen seasonal cycles, I met an upper priest in training... Couldn't have been more than two years apart. Even though our schedules were strictly regimented at the keep, we did have rather long breaks which most of the students used for meditation or prayers. I actually met him during one of said breaks while I was trying to meditate. He had been sparring in the courtyard with one of his friends, making quite the ruckus... I learned afterwards that he was a noble who's parents were secretly in agreement with the church to send him off to eventually become a priest in exchange for the church's hand protecting their small town. He liked to call himself 'Lord Davlamin Mey' and was quite arrogant. Being my young self though, I came to like him quite a bit.

We spoke often, discussed the various complexities of religion. I... Came to love him for a time. Time passed, we talked more, it was nice to have someone to help me get away from the droning life of training, philosophy. A week before my date of birth. The Banite church allowed private celebrations for our birthdays, but generally the celebration of one's birth was considered pointless, arrogant by the instructors. Davlamin had told me he had gotten me a gift; told me that because of the instructor's policy him and his friend had hidden it inside of the dungeon. It wasn't uncommon for clergy-in-training to smuggle things in through the dungeon's secret passages, usually components or alcohol, so I had no reason to think they were lieing... I was blinded by trust and passion though, that the two of them couldn't wrong anyone.

Down into that Abysmal dungeon, to the same level where I would one day kill my guardian... I wasn't technically supposed to be down there, but the local guards didn't question it since the other two were. I was expecting some kind of gift, party, especially when Davlamin asked me to put out the torches. When we carefully stepped into the room though, the only thing I found was a sepia sigil embedded into the floor. My mind was trained, but I didn't have time to react as I fell to the cold ground with a loud thump. Pain rushing through my arm from the impact with the ground as I looked around, a sudden realization of the possible danger I was in hitting me full-force.

*The page would have the occasional blur in the ink from a dried up teardrop*
I tried to scream, but all it accomplished was a dagger being pointed towards my chest and a silence spell being cast on me... Even now, I can pull back the memories, fresh in my mind nearly ten years later as if they had just took place yesterday... There was so much blood, tearstains along my cheeks. The two of them... Even though they were finished in a matter of minutes, it felt like agonizing hours to me... They left me there, took my clergy robes with them and left me down in that dungeon, in the dark... They had threatened me that because they were my superiors technically, that no one would believe me, that they'd kill me if I said anything... *Whatever was written after this would be illegible, the ink completely stained.*

Four months I was silent. I was worried at first, but my moon cycles continued as normal... I went to my classes, but in my spare time I began to study demonology, and then the devilish planes... I prepared the ritual in secret, in the same cell. A sprinkle of sulpher, an animal sacrifice... I didn't want to summon anything big, but I knew I wouldn't have much of a choice with whatever came out, so I used a protection from evil scroll to prevent my own death and activated the rune...

Sure enough, an Erinyes stood before me. Much too powerful for the purpose I needed a demon for, but she would have to do. I was afraid, knew that Devils would trick a mortal given a chance. I was relying heavily on the fact that we were underneath a temple of Bane, unholy grounds that the devils have always been willing to work with if it satisfies their needs.

It was agreed upon. I hated myself for what I had to do in the arrangement, but it was a small price to pay to see the two of them gone permanently... It took some time, but I managed to seduce the two of them into following me back to that cell... Gullible, arrogant, horrible people... I managed to slip out of the room quick enough, luck perhaps, and locked the door behind me. The only thing I ever saw was the red glow of light and a torrent of flames coming out of the cell bars around me as she claimed their souls for herself...

Heresey for the removal of fellow clergy, drawing them away from Bane... But justice in my own eyes. I was never caught, the Erinyes cleaned up quite nicely, perhaps as a favor for the free labor, I still ldon't know...

My mind was never at peace after that. The nightmares soon came back. There were many suitors in my days as a member of the clergy on the mainland, but I turned every one of them down... I couldn't trust anyone after that, not even the men and women I had known since childhood. Perhaps it was to hide the pain, perhaps something snapped, but my ruthlessness, cold-blooded nature increased tenfold in the course of those four months.

Four months of silence, of planning something heretical... The cause of the silence though gone in less than four seconds..."

==========

[gatalis]

I've lost the Chess Tourney...
No matter, I made it to the last competition match. It was a double win for me anyways. I've increased my standing among the populace, or at least my reputation, and in the process I managed to assess some of the greater minds of this Island through their tactics. Every step to understanding this island is a step closer to his wishes, and a step closer towards the divine.

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I've met a fellow human by the name of Osric recently. At first I thought they might be a threat, but now I realize that they mean me no harm (at this time anyways.) It's good to see more open-minded survivors around here. This "Game Master" disturbs me though. From what I've deduced, "G" has been opening up random portals around Siranda to draw in the unwary for survival games. While I typically approve of survival of the fittest, these contests are far too unorthodox, and I've made it a personal mission to ensure they're closed before some foolish whelp gets themselves killed in one of them.

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I entered a different portal today with a sorcerer-most likely freshly out of apprenticeship. This little contest was of G's apprentice's making whom is much more in-tune with the darker side of life. The boy tried to act like they were in charge, but they were obviously fearful that we'd revolt against him.

I still can't find Keelin...

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It's been quite a while since I've seen Keelin, months in fact... I miss her, but it's given me time to focus on my clerical duties. It's time to make Bane's presence known on this island and I think I know the perfect method!

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Vesur stopped by the boarded home today. The dwarf seems suspicious of me, and for good reason considering I've secretly stolen many-an-item from him including scrolls and his heretic ring when the survivors kill him.

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Another game with G's apprentice. And a good chance to test my skills against Gelzburg residents too. I've become stronger since my arrival to say the least... I also met one of demon ancestry whom goes by the name of "Sin." I typically avoid those of demonic ancestry due to their tendency to be more... Chaotic than devils, but they seem to not mind my presence, hell they gave me a blue rose, and any non-hostile environment is a good one.

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It's done. I've wanted to see if I could maintain concentration to unhallow an area for quite some time and it seems I can. I don't like working with Vesur, not so much because of his attitude as the fact that the residents seem to hate him. The stigma that my helping him could bring might not be worth the goals this dwarf could help me accomplish. Still, with his help the unhallowing was a success! The time of Bane's rise is upon Siranda! I've changed my robes to black and green instead of blue, and rubbed them down with Faeloth shrubs to try and cover my scent. I'm sure that the arch-druid will be able to recognize my scent if she gets close enough, but this should prevent her from tracking me back to the Island Sanctuary. I didn't want to harm the forest, its already bad enough as it is, but it was the only way to ensure I can sabotage the Kelemvorites if they ever challenge Bane, or for that matter any holy order that would wish for the death of Banites. I may yet procure a second set of robes to hide in should the residents become fully aware of my true nature and retaliate. I beleive now is the time to prepare some unholy water with the silver Vesur provided to me. Speaking of which, I must acquire more so that I can desecrate altars should the need arise.


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I've formed an unofficial alliance with that dwarf. He showed me around the underworld a bit and I definetly feel safer. One place in particular could prove useful. A hideout in the underworld of those with colder hearts, but it gets better...

The Cyricists' church is right above it!

I dare not try to infiltrate such an area to desecrate their altar, it's very heavily guarded no doubt. Besides, according to the dwarf the altar is on the top floor. Still... With this knowledge I'm curious to go back to my roots studying demonology all those years ago. To summon a demon, or if possible a few into that church... Well, needless to say it would be a taste of their own medicine, and teach them of the folley that their chaos brings, even to themselves.

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I failed my first game it seems. D wasn't very specific in the goals, but it seems I've been blamed for the death of civilians... I think he was simply angry that we found a workaround.
When you line people up against a wall though... Even to me it was rather obvious that the guards were setting up a firing line. I suppose the point was that we were supposed to be the "good guys" of that day, but truly I accomplished my goals. I don't need a reward to know I did what needed to be done.
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Turns out that the people were dummies. It matters not to me, that simply means the others may have a less guilty conscience.

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Haven't seen the dwarf in quite some time... This can't be good. I think I'll locate one of those red gems as an insurance policy lest he truly be dead.

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I need to find more silver. If these altars that open portals are divine in nature, than casting desecrate on the goodly one should break it...

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Those idiots! That house served as the focal point for my operations!!! Without it, the survivors will be scattered over a rougher area. It's one thing to meet new people and form alliances, but how does one form alliances when they can't even find people!? That house... Damnit this changes everything.
Getting my payback on that ghost fellow simply won't do. The only thing that will make him see the errors of his ways is if I hire an alchemist and light up his -own- house. From what I understand there's probably slaves of his or some sort inside, but a few deaths are an acceptable loss.

His partner on the other hand, he also needs to be dealt with, but how?

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So it seems Vesur is dead. This complicates things, but its still workable. I've spoken with the arch druid, over telepathic link and not in person obviously... My plan had seemingly backfired at every focal point. The dwarf is dead so he couldn't be an ally, the cyricists have a rough description of me (but thankfully don't know my name), the kelemvorites want me dead now, but... Perhaps there's a shed of hope in this diabolical game of chess. I've lost a bishop, Vesur, but I might be able to turn a pawn into a queen yet.

The one known as Niamh. They obviously hate me. I've promised not to harm nature unless provoked by it first, as truly I attempted to minimalize the harm. The trees serve a purpose even for a Banite, and it was wasteful of me to corrupt the grove with such short-sighted thinking... I don't think they'll kill me on sight if they see me now, and it seems we have a few mutual points. If I can help the wolf... elf... whatever she is in killing Ghost's friend, the vampire, than perhaps there's hope that some sort of mutual truce can be made between us, and if I play my cards right, an alliance.

Luckily, I managed to get through another one of Discord's games. He seemed hesitant about rewarding me in a similar fashion as in previous games, but beggars can't be choosers. Him, as well as some of the other survivors taunted me over my rewards, but they will serve me far better than simple "items" that they so typically ask for.

The wine will serve for sacrificial purposes, or subtle interrogation
The harp will also serve in subtler forms of interogation, or as a gift
And the Garlic...

I plan to use my powerful turning capabilities on the Vampire. Assuming that this doesn't work, which would be a rare case I'd think, than I'll have the garlic as extra protection to ward him off. If he has any outsider friends, they'll be useless as I've already tested my turning limits on the mid devils and demons, such as Succubi and Erinyes, and they seem to work rather well. Still, he'll need to be cornered away from fellow undead, and I'll need the arch druid there to kill him in his frightened state.

==========

The Kelemvorites would make Bane out to be as bad as the Cyricists! Needless to say I've taken proper precautions. While the Kelemvorites believe they can make us the enemy, it's not hard to turn the tables, make them seem as if they are monopolizing against other religions. People don't usually consider Evil to be the victim, and in this case we're not so much the vicitm as the target of their hatred, but there are many whom don't see Bane as completely evil, and this advantage can be used against their inquisition to make them seem as if they are the bad guys.

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I've agreed to a truce with the Kelemvorites... We'll get along until either the Cyricists are dead or the island has enough civilization to sustain itself... Whichever comes first.

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[gatalis]

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Mr. Krown contacted me today... Somehow he knew that I spend a great deal of time at the island... Needless to say, it wasn't anything bad. He seems to want to make a secret business agreement with the Church. The man is obviously worth his weight in gold, but he seems a bit... odd.

I've offered church services as well as gold to establish this agreement. It would be in the Church's best interest if we can get steady supplies in for a fair cost. The man wants me to sign a contract without reading it. I know the consequences of such actions though, and will not indulge the opportunity for more business without first reading this contract to ensure I don't lose too much from it-though I'm bound to lose something, merchants being merchants.

I was surprised. Mr. Krown seems to be... Afraid of the divine for some reason. I can't blame him, the divine barriers being responsible for keeping him on this island I'm sure, but most would be rather excited at being allowed access to the Church's services. He simply seemed... Afraid. Perhaps I can use this to my advantage? Only time will tell. If I ever get back to the mainland, I'll have to bring him before the higher officials. I'm sure the others at the keep would appreciate having access to some of the materials and items he offers, and the materials the Banites could offer him would ensure a long-lasting business establishment.

Home... I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the keep... It was a horrible place, sure, but it was the only place I could ever call a home. This island will never be home to me...

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All these thoughts of home got me thinking about my short time as a high Priestess...

I remember it clearly even now. Our keep had been at war with Cyricists in the area. Since their sacking of the great Zhentil keep, the Banites had slowly been reforming ourselves in the area. There were many local lords allied with us, and I was assigned by the highest of the order to act as a war advisor against the Anarchial Cyricists. I had had to switch keeps on many occasions, either because the local lords had attempted to have their way with our priestesses (and were quickly disposed of and replaced with our own leaders whom were competent in war strategy), or because the war was moving ahead.

At one particular post, I remember the local lady rather well. The lord of the keep had been killed many a moon ago by the Cyricist forces when we had lost the keep, in fact the only reason she had survived was due to being in hiding, but with its retaking we had put her in charge. The Cyricists had let loose magical and divine energies since the day we retook the keep, and her ladyship was convinced that it would fall again. We were relying solely on our Zhentil forces arriving before the people lost all morale, as the meager number of Banites available within the keep were only enough to hold the gates, and that only with the help of our infernal and abyssal summons. I was given permission to override her say by my superiors if worse came to worse, but I had so far followed her orders. Being the head of the small group of Clerics and Blackguards, she had put me in a position as a personal bodyguard for her child, a young Allurin girl, no older than age 12. She never said anything of the girl, and I assumed that the Allurin traits were from her late husband. Needless to say, I remained silent about the topic.

Something about this child during my time as their protector... While most snot-nosed noble children thought themselves above their bodyguards, this one was... Unusually kind to me. I had always heard stories about how Allurins, being the blood of taint, were inherently malicious and evil, but in this case they seemed to be sickeningly good for whatever reason. It wasn't unheard of, but at the time it made no sense to me, her father was obviously dead, and they were in the middle of war-how could this child acquire a trait such as kindness? I seemed to connect more and more to this child during my three month stay. The initial Zhentil forces that showed up hindered the Cyricist movement, but an inside job released our defensive plans, and they managed to burst into the keep. After a bloody three days of fighting, we pushed them out, but not at the cost of the majority of our troops. It would be a week before more Cyricist troops would show up, and in the meantime the attacks stopped, but the only way to maintain the position would have been to recieve more reinforcements. In that time, I kept an especially close eye on the child, we talked regularly, and I began to show them some of Bane's teachings when her mother wasn't around. (Though, admittedly, the child didn't seem to take much interest, preferring instead the fantasies of Ehlonna and the other goodly gods and goddesses.)

Unfortunately, as the group of Higher Clergy decided back at the main keeps, the position wasn't worth holding as the Cyricists could be surrounded after taking the keep and maintained within as prisoners. I couldn't question the tactical genius of the plans, but the implications were... horrid. I consulted with the others at the keep, and they were all in agreement that more enemy forces could be wiped out as well as more of ours saved by a false retreat than by holding the line... The lady of the keep was informed of our decision. We fully expected a coup, and that we would have to nullify her, but she surprisingly came to her senses and agreed. However, she refused to leave her subjects behind. We informed her that it was imperitive that she come with us, that she'd be compensated for the loss of her keep, but the wench refused to listen and insisted on her and her child remaining...

We had emptied the place. We left enough fortifications and weapons to convince the small Cyricist army approaching that we had intended to hold the place, but the mages had used teleportation to ship off the rest of it earlier that day. The plan was simple really, the Zhent commanders and generals had some value to them, but the regular forces were worthless in the grand scheme of things. I, from my post at the keep, would send out a message when it was time to retreat, telling the commanders that the Cyricists had found a way into the dungeon, and were quickly approaching her ladyship. While the Zhent warriors went to the main chambers, us Banites, and the Zhent commanders would escape via magical teleportation, claiming we were going to make an advanced ritual to summon a balor, and leave the warriors with orders to hold the line. The Zhents joining us would be understandable as the commanders would be needed for "sacrifices" while the generals would be needed to help maintain concentration. The warriors would serve to remove as many Cyricists as possible under the command of the lesser commanders, meanwhile we'd escape and conjoin with the secret forces getting ready to quarunteen the keep.

When we were supposed to leave though, something snapped inside of me... I convinced the others to teleport out without me. (which they were all willing to do the bastards, not even leaving a mage behind to come get me...) I couldn't leave the child to the whims of the Cyricists. She'd be of age within the year, and knowing the Cyricists it would take about that much time to break their forces, the fate of the child was sealed if I left them there...

I headed up the stairs to the private chambers, unlocking the doors with my keys. Her ladyship had a dagger ready, thinking me to be some sort of Cyricist until she saw whom it was, and it seemed her guards were protecting the main gate. I remembered screaming at her to let the child escape, the woman in a cold tone telling me that if she were to die, her progeny would die with her so that the curse couldn't run any deeper in noble blood... The twisted freak wanted her child to die to end a gift...

I... I snapped.

I remember casting slay living on her as she tried to attack me with her dagger, her lifeless body hitting the floor, the child whimpering in the corner... It was better this way, her ladyship wouldn't be subject to whatever fate waited for her by the Cyricists' hands, and the child too, the child would be given a fair chance at life in the Bane keeps... I had to drag the child out, her constant crying the whole way, I don't remember exactly how I got out, I beleive I used the dungeons... Always the dungeons... But we got out safe and sound.

The Zhent generals, I remember them yelling at me, telling me how foolish my actions were for staying to grab a simple child. I ignored them, kept the child close by me, my face contorted into an unchanging grimace as I listened to them. I don't know if the child hated me, or thanked me... She never said a word, just... Clasped onto me and continued to cry. When the armies struck, and quarunteed the castle, I wasn't there leading with the generals. Instead, I was traveling by horse, the child in tow to the main keeps. The journey was much shorter, having only the two of us and a horse to get us back... I personally recommended her for joining the Banite clergy, ensured the others that she was dilligent, that she would learn well. Thinking back on it, I wonder if I did the right thing occasionally, remembering the gruesome challenges I went through to ensure my place in the clergy... Then I remember that day at the keep, at what would have happened to her if I left. At least this way, she had a chance at life... At the clergy's insistance, I wasn't allowed to visit her though...

Her name was Kjalin...

==========

After long consideration, I've decided that I need to find a disciple, or convert to reinforce our ranks on this island... Hopefully one of moderate intelligence, though anyone willing to serve Bane will do at this time.

==========

An interesting conundrum. It seems Discord is finished with his games, and so he took us on a trip to Gelzburg... Well, his false reality Gelzburg anyways. The guy is more powerful than I thought, managed to kill Kex for the most part by himself, and I admittedly died multiple times...

I didn't really get anything worthwhile out of it, but I now know the strength of that accursed city, useful knowledge in its own right.

One thing of note, was that Lanae was there... While Lucien would serve as a useful ally, I had not thought of the dragon blood as anything more than his slave... After seeing her in combat, its made me realize that perhaps the dragon blood truly does love the man, and isn't necesarily his slave. She'd have no issues killing him in combat if they were to ever fight-Assuming her master didn't use his magic ahead of time.

==========

I went through the -real- Gelzburg today... I originally was hostile at the thought of returning there, but our gathered group obliterated the defenses rather easily with only a few deaths due to mishap. I've come to accept that Lucien is the Martial Leader of Kalaram, a warlord of sorts. It matters not to me as Kalaram has little value. The survivors are in greater numbers there, and as everyone knows, the survivors are a rebellious group regarding any sort of change...

No, my eyes are set on Ludor. That city... Ludor was a base for knowledge, and contains the only entry point to the island sanctuary. If I could find a way to control Ludor, it would be an accomplishment worth quite a bit. That city could potentially become a hub, and the goodly survivors would have to turn to either the farming community of Baraban, or the more harsh environments... Yes this could work well.

I've sold some of my Gelzburg gear to Bardo in exchange for him being willing to bring me back from Hell should I die. A mutually useful exchange.

Lucien discussed starting a war with the Kelemvorites... This is an astonishing fact, but one that I could potentially abuse to my benefit. Lucien controls Kalaram, the Kelemvorites are out of everyone's hair... I get along fine with Zenstone and Saethe, but they will only lead to disaster for me, like a clock who's gears are slowly going out.

==========

I'm begining to get to know the Priestess who calls herself Atiya. She could make a useful ally, though he sharp tongue have nearly gotten her in fights on a few occasions. I don't know what possessed me, but I told her about Keelin...

Surprisingly, she didn't have anything bad to say. If the Banites back home knew about that, they would have had a fit with me having a relation with someone outside the church.

Atiya is kind enough, and a good conversationalist. Perhaps we'll become friends if one of us doesn't end up as zombie food.

==========

Hmm, the kelemvorite temple has been burned to the ground. A trident was perched in the ground outside of it...

Lucien couldn't have done it though this soon, could he? He was with Lanae I thought...

==========

It seems he lit it up after taking Lanae home. Doesn't matter I suppose.

==========

I feel wrong... I'm siding with Lucien, but I have a nonaggression pact with the Kelemvorites... Nonetheless I won't actively fight unless I have to. Besides, there's uses to be found in the Kelemvorites yet. They're moving to Faeloth, or so it seems.

==========

I decided to send a message of why you don't screw with Banites out. I've designed the sign, hid it at the docks for now, and I'm working on killing the undead... I've nearly been spotted a few times.

==========

It seems the strategy works. You kill one undead an two more truly -do- start coming after you. I'm amassing them like never before and killing them in the center of town.

==========

I've done it. While a little over 300 undead is a meager amount compared to what some of the survivors have killed, it sends out a clear message. We are not to be trifled with. Using a summoned bear and a cart, I managed to drag the corpses, including the behemoths, to the statue. I'll summon an Erinyes to keep an eye on the fires when they start picking up, ensure that they don't burn down the town...

==========

The one known as Zenstone doesn't recognize me in full plate... This works to my advantage. I've told his superior everything that the kelemvorite told me... He seems to be snapping too. Perhaps I can abuse this to make him lose faith. If he doesn't have faith in Kelemvor, than he doesn't need to die if they are ever hunted.

==========

Sent a message to Lucien regarding Zenstone's plans and met up with someone who could be a double agent, for whom is the true question...

Oilccal reminds me of Vesur. Old dwarf... I'm tempted to bring him back from hell, but if I do, than there could be issues. Lanae doesn't like him, and it turns out that the shadowy cleric killed him...

hmm.

==========

[gatalis]

I've been requested to deal with some of Kelemvor's sympathisers... An easy enough feat.

==========

I spoke with Ashard once more. The man said something that tempted me to cast wrack on him, though I kept myself under control...

==========

I captured Oilccal today. The man thought himself to be innocent, but I had my request, and couldn't turn it down. I sewed a message into his back and left a trident brand on him...

I'll report this to Lucien as well as my information regarding the others...

==========

Looking for Atiya still, can't find her. Hopefully she doesn't join the Kelemvorite's side...

==========

This armor is almost addictive. I'll have to control myself while wearing it.

==========

Spoke with Lucien. He seems to have his plans set. I'll be allowing Saethe to assume that I'm double-crossing Lucien for a time. I informed Lucien of this as to prevent a bloodbath...

Hmm, this could prove interesting, though I'm bound to not attack until the pact has been broken-It looks bad on me and such actions, while allowed, are frowned upon by Bane...

Met a rather interesting priestess while speaking with him. The woman is of the goodly persuasion and used a hound archon... She isn't any of my concern, as while I don't like the goodly folk, I don't attack them without provocation... That is until they happen to be a Tormite, Mystrian, or Cyricist. Still, I'll need to be cautious around her.

==========

The one whom Lucien hired was strange. He approached me, asking whom I was and if I could provide assistance, went to run off, and then asked for directions to the deeper underworld... Frankly if he wishes to die it's none of my concern, so I gave him directions on how to get to Aeotvigar and then further from there.

==========

Something isn't right... Ever since I acquired this armor, I've been becoming more assertive, but something happened today that was... strange to say the least. I... went on a rampage killing undead, as if something possessed me to do so-and the more I killed, the more my need to kill more grew. When the midnight hour passed though, the feeling faded completely.

... What's wrong with me?


I think I'll take a nice long relaxing bath, try and clear my mind... Is this island truly begining to change me?

==========

Taking off that heretic's armor and taking a bath seemed to do the trick. My controlled anger is gone, and I feel a calm spread over me. I can't help but feel a sense of loniliness though... This is obviously a test by Bane of my resolve...

Back to work I suppose...

==========

I'm wearing white robes when I don't need to wear this armor... It compromises my safety, but should work as a decent disguise and for not having to worry about that armor's effects on me...

==========

Met a man named Scipio. Interesting fellow that one, beleives in some kind of superiority of man over mer or some such... He's harmless enough if not a little bossy. I'll continue to humor him for a time.

==========

Bardo apparently got Atiya killed when they were doing a vault run with Zenstone... I'm not sure if I'm angered by the fact that she worked with the man, or if it makes Bardo being on the list all the more of a target...

==========

I've been working on cleaning out Ludor's zombie infestation... A fruitless task so far, but I'm getting there...

==========

Bardo is clean, Lucien said so himself. Damn...
What truly concerns me, is that Lucien wants me to use this to hunt Atiya down all the more... I can't hunt that cleric down though, they're one of the few people whom I can be truly civil with without feeling angry at one thing or another.

==========

Went on a vault run today with a lot of the weaker survivors. Colan had a fit when I threw away vault gear, but here's the thing... I don't hand out vault gear to -anyone- unless they've earned it.

==========

Two half-orcs harassed me about making sandwiches on the island. If it wasn't for the fact that I felt I could easily kill them, I would have actually been worried.

==========

These two men approached me on the island, thought me some kind of whore in my white robes... I don't know what possessed me, usually I ignore these sort of things, but they brought back memories I'd rather not remember... Needless to say, I ran. Fast...

==========

Turns out Fell is an addict. He's paying me and I'm supplying him via an extract drug spell. It makes a small bit of gold and perhaps ensures that the mage won't be a problem. He's changed his views regarding Lucien, a nice touch.

Still no sign of Atiya

==========

[gatalis]

*The following would be a cluster of papers in Claire's notes at this time, they would be placed in the journal when Claire attains it once more, but for now they would be in her backpack.*

==========


Almost killed Zenstone... Damn Kelemvorites got away at the last second, but Atiya seems to be on our side. This will complicate things as we won't get another opportunity like this. It surprised me that he continued to run when it was just me chasing him for a time, suppose he didn't want to risk it. That man needs to die the next time we meet...

Speaking of Atiya... I'm not sure if I find friendship in her, or hate her right now. They've been through a lot, but they've taken their life much more in sway than I have so far, had a bit of a chat about that. It was... Wrong for me to speak out like I did. The destruction of that room kept my anger in check, but I'm no longer thinking this armor causes anger so much as simply allows for an outlet of release. I shouldn't have spoken out though, it was borderline heresey for one, and it showed weakness. Bane demands that we show no weakness, that we show no remorse, fear, compassion... Still, speaking about such things, showing such things, I had to pull my hood back up as I refuse to let my tears be seen by others.

I don't know what possessed me, but I let her borrow my journal. It was stupid of me, and I feel like it was a mistake... I'll have to write these entries in these pages and place them in the journal when she returns it.

I feel like discussing some of my challenges that made me a high priestess...

==========

[gatalis]

*The above entry would be placed in the journal, the rest of these continuing on subsequent pages*

==========

Zenstone almost got himself killed again when he visited the house today-Lucky fellow to have that recall rod...

==========

I almost forgot that my hair was once blonde when I looked into a mirror recently... Now more than ever I question whether these changges Bane made to me- My black hair, the red tint in my eyes, are blessings or curses... Am I really cut out for this any more?

==========

I've been thinking about my talk with Atiya, figure I'll put in that entry I've been telling myself to put in...

The reason I've always had a slight... distrust and fear in dragons, is directly linked to the war between the Banites and Cyricists in the Zhentil region. This is also I suppose, the story of my final test to become a high priestess.


When I was younger, a red dragon invaded the Zhentil region... Few of us thought about it at first, the Cyricists were focused on fighting us every step of the way, and us Banites were focused on maintaining our hold on the region. The red dragon was more than a nuiscance though. It had caused serious damage to our larger territories, and the same was true for the Cyricists. We found out the dragon's name was Gramzon, and finally managed to locate its lair, but it was of no use at that point... If we attacked, we'd only serve to gain the dragon's ire towards us specifically. Of course the Banites had had deals with dragons throughout the centuries, those of lawful descent, but red dragons have throughout time, as was no different for Gramzon, been of a more chaotic persuasion.


How it happened I still don't know, but we managed to come to an agreement with the Cyricists that killing the dragon was more important than killing each other. It wasn't long before we had both amassed our armies and led an attack on the beast's lair. Our war machines churned into the mountain, decimating it as we hoped it would crush the dragon under the weight of stone- a mistake on our part. It's wrath must have been great, but we managed to send enough ballista bolts through its wings to keep it grounded.

Hours and hours toiled away, hundreds of our forces dieing on both sides as we attempted to kill the beast. It was obviously growing weaker, but it fought on yet. By nightfall we were at an extreme disadvantage as we couldn't use our artillery without risking harming our own men any more, but the Cyricists refused to pull back... I had spent some time in the initial assault, but as my spells began to wear out, I was forced to retreat and maintain war strategy and healing services. While the Cyricists simply threw away lives, we were at least trying to keep our troops in working condition.


I don't know what happened next... One of our men came running down the mountain, shouting that the Cyricists had struck a deal with the dragon to kill our forces. I thought the man was hysterical until its form began to charge down what was left of mountain towards our encampment.

Fire burning...

I remember a ritual, I along with many of my fellow banites summoning a Balor from the Abyss... The dragon would have outmatched it in any other situation, but in its state it was killed by the Balor's hands. The Balor proceeding to attack the unwary Cyricists who thought they had won, both armies decimated, my body collapsed in a heap, charred remains around me, dead comrades. I thought I was the only survivor...


When I woke up I found myself in a horse-drawn cage box heading east, the sun rising overhead. The horse beared the hallmarks of Cyric, and two fellow Zhentil soldiers had been stuffed in the cage with me-One in scout's clothing, the other in rags-likely having worn plate that the Cyricists stole. I found myself stripped of my priestly armor, and also in rags, barely enough to cover myself... The cart ride seemed to go on for hours, droning along into the night before we pulled over. Until we stopped we didn't know how many Cyricists there were...


When we finally stopped, they pulled the man in the scout's uniform out of the cage. I tried to escape but only succeeded in getting clubbed down... Still, even with the commotion I could tell there could be no more than three Cyricists with us. I heard the scout screaming, the sound of a knife piercing through skin repeatedly, and then dead silence followed by chants. I didn't know if I'd be next or not, and so I sat down, preparing my spells while the other soldier seemed to panic. I didn't have the strength to fight back, and so I hoped that I'd be able to work my way out of such a situation...


When the men pulled me out of the cage, I didn't attempt to run away. I knew I didn't have the strength at that point, and so I continued to hope I could find a way out of the situation I was in. The three Cyricists began to look me over, judge me like a slab of meat as they commented on my features... I could feel tears welling up in my eyes thinking about what would happen, thinking to myself that they would kill me if I didn't meet their demands, but a Banite shows no fear, and so I kept a constant scowl on my face as the circled me...


One of the men groped me... I remember panic seeping into my frame... I wouldn't end up in a situation like this, I was sickened that the thought had crossed my mind that the misery would be less painful than death. I shoved the man away, an unexpected course of action to the others considering how compliant I had been, and I remember casting a spell, my form seeming to change into that of a Bone Devil. I didn't care if I died or not, I just needed to kill them, to escape... The gore was strewn around me as I tore them each priest limb from limb... I had let my rage consume me, but with their passing my mind began to calm down, the spell wearing off.


When I had finally calmed down enough I remember opening the cage, the man seemingly terrified at the screams he had heard but slowly making his way out. We found our items in another chest, and proceeded to round up the frightened horses. We stayed there that night on opposite sides of the fire. My mistrust that had brewed a few years back had returned to me after that, and I found no trust in the Zhent soldier despite knowing he wouldn't attempt anything. It took me a long time afterwards to put trust in anyone, the traumatic memories from so long ago having refilled my head.


When the two of us arrived at the Zhentil keep about a week later, they thoght us both dead considering that nothing was left of the dragon's lair except carnage and brimstone. The soldier's fate escapes me, but I remember the arch-priest personally naming me a High Priestess in the service of Bane... An honor that I lost a year or so later with my arrival here on the island.

*underneath would be a sketch of a red dragon...*

==========

Perhaps I should write the story of that exorcism I was asked to help with.

==========

Discord has a new apprentice named Ozon. The man seemed clever enough, sent us on a mission to discover what was going on in the slums... Got a few vault keys and a ball gag out of it... This might be useful on those mages when I have to tie them up to keep them from running away.

Also got some waybread-The stuff isn't great so I think I'll prefer to find food still, but the option will remain with me at least.

In any case we went on a visit to Imrithil to look for red gems. It seems that the others beleive that Zenstone has Bardo wrapped around his little finger-If only they knew of our secret arrangement. heh...

I'm not sure what to think of this Fell person as he's a strange fellow to say the least. I don't consider him a friend, but I get along with him about as well as I do with Osric so it can't be all bad.

==========

You know, the more I think about it, the less sense it makes. Why would Zenstone have wanted me dead originally? Now it makes perfect sense what with me having attacked him, but originally I had done nothing to wrong him... In that span of time before Lucien came in, I never made threats against the Kelemvorites, I never used necromancy on another survivor, hell I followed the codes and traditions of Kalaram almost to the letter, kept myself hidden, only helped survivors, tried to remain neutral with them, even -informed- the Kelemvorites about what Lucien had done to their temple when they weren't around... And yet that man still wanted me dead for being a Banite and being Evil. Even when there was no rhyme or reason for me to be dead.


The more I think about it, the more I think about the injustice of this land, about the bias that exists. Is it truly a cause for death to be of goodly or evil descent? Bane, while of an evil persuasion, does not judge one for goodly deeds unless they interfere with him directly. I've found more friends through my ties of darkness then the select few I've had of the goodly persuasion... Of course I've also been hurt more, both mentally and physically, by those of the evil persuasion... I don't know what to think any more...

==========

On occasion people ask me about my... Preferences... Especially when I used to mention Keelin. It really isn't that hard for me to answer, but for some reason I can never word it right... Perhaps I'll be able to word it properly in this Journal...

It's like...

Well I sort of...

When you've...

I suppose that I prefer both in all honesty... I think I've known about my preferences since my time in the clergy, but they simply were never able to flourish until I arrived on this island. I don't really have a preference for the female persuasion over that of the male, I just... Have a hard time finding any sort of trust in male figures- As much as I don't like to admit it, there's still that spot of betrayal in my heart that keeps me from being as easygoing with those of the opposite gender, especially those whom are more extroverted, as the attitude simply reminds me of him...

In any case, I hope this question answers my own thoughts so that I might be able to better convey it to others when they ask

==========

I've been thinking more and more about who I am since that chat, damnit. I should be more focused on Kalaram, on fulfilling Bane's goals...

What's wrong with me?

==========

Roamed the island a bit, visited Imrithil. Still no gems...

==========

Had a strange dream, decided to take a look... I'm not liking the implications of possibly bringing Vesur back, but we could seriously use some arcane might in this little skirmish to help eliminate the threat more easily...

==========

Desecrated the Lathanderite shrine. I'll send out the public message that we did so when Lucien is ready. Should get the Kelemvorites off Lucien's back and after Ludor for a time. It was rather amusing the way Atiya and I joked about positions of command. Seems Atiya is fond of necromancy... Not a big fan of the spells myself, but interesting.

==========

Spoke with Atiya back in Ludor after a good fresh killing of undead. Learned a bit about the elf's past, and I have to say it explains quite a bit. I don't typically feel sadness or guilt, but today...

Needless to say it was good to hear more about her, especially if we'll be working together more. Was rather... Embarrassing the way the conversation went for a moment there... In any case the Kelemvorites won't be an issue for much longer if all goes according to plan.

==========

Watched Ghost kill a newborn... Damned bastard. Not much I could have done at that time since Discord would have killed me for attacking him.

Something is amiss as I sit here under this tree... I'll have to keep my eyes open, and maybe keep an eye on Lucien and my fellow moral officer.

==========

After a refreshing bath I feel much better... I still feel a bit homesick, but I suppose I've come to grudgingly respect that I'm not leaving any time soon...

==========

I feel sick... Not physically, but mentally... Something's clawing away at me...

Part of me says that I need to focus on my duties, not to think about myself, of those around me...

But part of me seems to think I've done wrong, that I should shirk all but my basic duties of prayer...

I've committed many atrocities lately... In my life I suppose... Was it truly worth it? Am I losing what little sense of self I have in my servitude to Bane, or am I gaining a sense of self that I was never allowed to have?

This isn't right. I'm questioning myself. I've never questioned myself-My actions yes, but never myself...

==========

[gatalis]

//I should probably state that when I make a new line it's not because I've run out of text, but because there've been enough updates over time that I feel it appropriate to say "updated."\\

==========

Keep thinking about Daran Bassan lately... Seeing her eyes looking coldly upon me, asking why I killed her... I know that these apparitions are just figments of my imagination, but they sometimes feel real, that is, until I wake up. I keep thinking back, thinking about whom I really am...


I'm two different people when I truly think about it. I don't suffer from some sort of multiple personality disease, this is not the case, I simply... Feel like two different people. I'm the Banite I've always been, cold, heartless, caring only for herself and her cause... But then a part of me has emerged lately that sees the world in light, whom doesn't wish for violence, war, oppression, or anything truly of the darker spectrum. I've since shut this second persona out, as it shouldn't exist, but I feel it's... Useful in helping myself, helping others in the process. I wish I had never spoken to Atiya about how I felt the world looked at me, but at the same time, I think it's done good for me. What ever this second being is, I will simply refer to it as "her" at this time...


I suppose in a twisted scheme of events, I should thank Zenstone. My resolve was begining to fade, but it's those two and their religious persecution of me, of others, that drives me on in my unrelenting resolve, my ability to commit atrocities without conscious regret or guilt. The Lathanderite shrine was desecrated to further this skirmish, to hopefully strike a hammer into their resolve, but it seems to have done nothing of the sort...


Did I do the right thing...? Lathander was Bane's enemy, so I want to think that I did... But I truly don't know...

==========

Banites don't show fear except in reverence to Bane... Why am I showing fear in doubt, in myself?

==========

The Kelemvorites, they anger me... How can one fight so zealously, thinking that they are doing good for the world, when they persecute others without even so much as a trial?

There is no good side in this war, there will simply be a victor at the end of this...

==========

Harmony... Whomever this fellow is, he needs to die.


I will not stand by while my allies are abused in such mannerisms. I may physically torture others, but even I do not resort to Psychological tortures, not even with my enemies...


I need to watch my behavior though... Why did I have to go and show -compassion- of all things? It sickens me to have let her show a presence. Needless to say though, things took a turn for the worse. I'll have to remain in the shadows when possible, attempt to blend back into the crowd, maybe place a robe over this armor.


Still, in all of this I feel a sort of... Sorrow for the dragon blood Lanae. She shouldn't be getting wrapped up in all of this, that one doesn't mean harm towards others...


Lanae mentioned fear in this fellow... I can't show fear. It's something that was drilled out of my head ages ago... If I die, I die, but I cannot show fear in my fate.


==========

It bothers me that I was so easily killed by that mage... If I die, I die, there's nothing I can do about that, but to lose to one such as them... It sickens me.

Am I truly sickened though, or is this simply self-doubt? Hmm...

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So Lanae is apparently only 16 in terms of relative age... Makes me wonder about that dragon blood her a bit as it sounds like she's had a rough life. I can't help but feel like Lucien is taking advantage of the poor girl, even though it's obvious that the two love each other...

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Died within the boarded home... I cannot beleive I was so easily killed... I should have taken my money back, but at the same time I was just glad to be alive... Perhaps it is time to move to Ludor...

Apparently Atiya is dead. *There would be a couple water stains on this page, though nothing else would be written.*

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More and more of my hair is returning to its original golden color... Something is wrong, what is this... I feel stronger with each passing day too.

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It's been two months since I last wrote in you... I was meditating. Thinking about everything-the world around me, those whom I care for, everything.


I am no pitiful welp... I am no merciful being... I should never have let myself fall for that Blue Elf, should never have let Atiya distract me from my goals on this island...


I can no longer hide underneath the guise of weak impunity. I cannot allow my enemies or my allies to push me around any more.


From here on out, I embrace the mantle of my true self for all to see in these dark times. I am a being of even greater darkness than this accursed plague...


I am Amaranda Kromanod'k, High Priestess of Lord Bane.

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I came accross a dead body surrounded by a behemoth and a few undead... I can't place my name on whom it was, but it was someone whom had traveled with us on our most recent trip to the spire...

What was it again... Adahon... Oliver? Hmm, in any case I'm putting their bow to good use. I've been so enraptured in beating things to death with a hammer that I forgot the joys of shooting down the undead from afar, and with my marksmanship I truly should use a bow more often... I suppose I'll simply have to look around the next time I'm in Gelzburg. As for the person... I suppose I'll just have to ask Lanae about them, maybe she remembers his name.

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Well, it's official... My hair has turned completely back to its original color...

I wonder why it would do such a thing... I must only assume that Bane has found some favor in me once more...

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It seems I am cursed, to find my friend alive only to lose them once more... I will focus strictly on my duties from herein until the day I die in battle...

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Spoke with Saethe over the link... Makes me a little sad that I'll have to kill him eventually if and when Lucien decides to strike.

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It seems Lanae's wings were removed by Harmony... Enough is enough. Whether I die or not, I am -not- waiting for that damned mage to make the first move the next time we meet...

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I've grown more and more powerful... Perhaps it's time to ask for Bane's guidance in the creation of an unholy artifact...

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People tend to think of Banites as being strictly aligned to Bane. While it is true that Banites worship Bane himself, all whom worship Bane make prayers to his court as needed. When a Banite wishes to take revenge, they send a prayer to Hoar, when committing a crime, a Banite may take a short prayer to Abbathor, in the midst of torture or a fight, a Banite may send their regards to Loviatar... While a nuiscance, Tiamat is a member of Bane's court, and thus prayers before attempting negotiations with chromatic dragons are given to the wrym.

The key that is usually forgotten among Bane's enemies, is that we as his clergy -serve- no one but Bane. While we may send the occasional prayer to members of his courts, we recognize that Bane himself, is the one true god who leads them all, and do not sway from this path.

The triad consists of three at any given time, but Bane's court consists of as many as he deems worthy.

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Most peculiar. I was speaking with the dragon blo Lanae again today in the spire while in one of my better moods... It seems that she might have previously been some sort of prized trophy... In any case, all I am sure of, is that she has definitely led a hard life, but in a different sense from my own. while Treated harshly at the temple, I was also given enlightenment and knowledge... The same cannot be said for her.


Perhaps I've been spoiling her? I don't know, but I've come to the understanding that Lucien takes far too much advantage over her... Perhaps it is a better life than the one she lived before, but one should always strive for a better life, and never be subservient to anyone short of a deity. If I can, I'd like to ensure that she utilizes her free will, though I see little that can be done while she's under Lucien... I will not turn my back on Lucien though, not unless the Kelemvorites win this war.


I was given some peace of mind to discover that the Kelemvorites would not kill Lanae should they by rare chance succeed.


Perhaps when the dragon bl Lanae has discovered the full extent of her free will, I might consider them an ally, possibly a friend, but for now I simply consider them someone to enlighten on their views.

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I never caught the name of the warrior with us, but they seemed to be a rather tough fellow living in Ludor... They shouldn't be a threat though judging by their attitude on life and the gods.

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[gatalis]

So it seems Saethe surrrendered, a shame truly...

I had actually cast death ward on myself when I was asked to visit their place. I thought I was going to be killed for some form or another of incompetence, instead I had new parameters set out and I was actually thanked for my limited help I provided...

In any case, this should allow me to focus all efforts on Discord and the Cyricists...

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I don't know what came over me but I tried to hook Saethe up last night... We were playing this strange game called "Truth or Dare" and I ended up lending one of my ball gags to the lady for part of the dare... T'was rather funny.

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Note to self, possibly label Villith an Anarchist in the future... Possibly. He seems like he could be useful yet.

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Seems Zenstone isn't going to give up without a fight... interesting turn of events, though now I'll have to focus my efforts on stopping him instead of Harmony... He wants me dead for valid enough reasons. In any case, if he dies I have my doubts about him coming back since he's an army of one.

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Harmony came after us again. Callisto and Bella wanted me to participate in their series of events, but I would have done little more than sit on the edge of the pool... His attack ruined my robes, so it seems I'll be stuck in this armor for some time when I'm not sleeping. Luckily the one spying on us decided to help us, as well as his partner... First trip to the Sharessian temple and I'm killed due to being unprepared, but at least I wasn't struck by lightning.

Bella seemed quite upset about me not mentioning his presence, but I saw no issue in it since the two of them were just swimming. I've promised to inform her of such things in the future.

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Am I getting too soft? I've been acting sickeningly kinder lately... Needless to say I'll have to focus my efforts more on helping Lucien's rise to Tyranny, maybe destroy a few things along the way... Most people only meet Banite Blackguards and Warriors, and rarely meet his clergy. Those whom fight for Bane typically end up filled with anger, violence in their hearts, but with my servitude as one of his Clergy it is not my job to be violent and cause destruction. Instead, I am to spread both evil and law throughout the land, and ensure that his word spreads onwards. I have not been intune with hatred for some time, but with the presence of so many whom I dislike, it is sure to return soon.

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I told Saethe the truth about the Lathanderite desecration... I was surprised that he didn't react more violently.

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Bella dissapeared, an interesting turn of events...

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I should probably sleep instead of write in this, but I can't help it... Atiya's alive and kicking, and I got to talk to her for quite some time, had a hard time stopping myself so I could sleep... She's doing well, had me try on a bunch of outfits that were... Revealing to say the least. I'll need to pick up some under apparel down at the tailoring shop at Kalaram before I try anything else on.

I haven't felt this relieved in a while. I'll never admit that I cried a bit... Seems she's doing well though, so I'll have to come up with an excuse for why she's "dead." I missed her to say the least-there aren't many people on this island whom I'd consider such close friends, though I'd never admit it.

In any case, there's so much I could say about today, but I need to sleep, so it can wait until a future time...

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Someone defecated in the front-end... Seems someone has a death sentence.

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On multiple occasions now the church's outer walls have been breached. If someone manages to get into the inner sanctum I swear I'll place dimensional anchor unhallow spells throughout the building...

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Spoke with Atiya, got to dress up like a pirate, heh... Apparently Ashard spread a rumor about her sleeping with Vesur at one time or another. Kinda glad she's still alive, even went so far as to check up on me in Ludor when I tore down all my signs...

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I was rather glad when Rastan got away, not because the fool got away of course, but because now Lucien's enraged due to a minor slip-up. This will likely cause quite a bit of destruction...

In any case, I thought Lanae wanted me to help her commit suicide at first, locking her in that sarcophogus, but it seems this has happened before, and she'll be let out when it's appropriate. I commend her for taking punishment into her own hand even if I don't agree with it or blame her... Has Lucien made her do this previously?

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Offended an elven couple... Honestly though, did they want false hope?

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Went through a new dungeon today, also found Callisto. They had... Things are better left unsaid. A situation similar to Saethe's to say the least.

I'm keeping a slay living spell prepared. I would rather end up in Hell then at the hands of Harmony...

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I'm taking a less active role in the home, making myself less noticeable... I've since placed a robe over my armor, and dyed it pur white... Soon, I'll dye it once more, but for now I want to see how this works out for me.

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[gatalis]

And thus Atiya has returned my journal...


I will not write of my experiences in Hell... Needless to say though, they were everything I had hoped for. I look forward to my return once Bane's word has been spread far and wide.


I've met a fine young lass named Rithiel... A shame the former Cyricist has her fingers wrapped around her. It matters not though, I have more important things to deal with then my lustful appetite, such as restablishing myself.

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I suppose I will have to confront Lucien soon about my return, but for now I sit in the shadows... Recognized but hidden as I watch on, the masses droning as they always do to their beats.

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A paladin. Of Torm nonetheless... It reminds me of Mother. I suppose I'll have to eventually end him, but for now I enjoy watching him suffer... The fool challenged my Erinyes to a duel, got himself killed... It will be fun to watch what happens when he learns that she has since recieved a "bonus" of sorts for the souls she's collected over time.

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I will enjoy spreading this burn... My time in hell let me learn to control my anger once more, returned the eternal burn... But others don't, and it will be my pleasure to spread the flames far and wide as they come flocking to me, wishing for my death, but finding salvation in the grip of Bane.

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